I think her points about how to handle it are excellent. You thought it was a great date. You bonded about growing up as the middle child, laughed about that goofy sitcom from the 90s, and exchanged fascinating insights about what you learned while traveling abroad. Your date has been crazy with work. Or going though a tough time. You even let yourself think that the long, hard search might just be over. And then all that hope and happiness comes crashing down with a single, painful text.
When that happens, you have to find a way to grieve without obsessing or punishing yourself. Practicing self-compassion can help give you the patience to honor those difficult feelings, as well as the strength to move on. Was it your Beavis and Butthead imitation? Would you be going on another date if you were ten pounds lighter? This is the trap we fall into when someone we like decides to pass. Trying to figure out why feels productive. Actually, the opposite is true: Research shows that people who are critical of themselves are less motivated to try again than those who are more forgiving.
So maybe you did do something dumb. Maybe you snapped at the waiter or overshared about your long-running feud with your older sister. Maybe, you realize in hindsight, that your date really wanted you to ask more questions about the epic poem they were writing.
A better strategy is to see those moments that make you cringe, and then forgive yourself. Instead of trying to fix yourself, just take care of yourself. Do whatever makes you feel good. Climb into bed and have a movie marathon.
Book a trip to a spa. Call a good friend—the one who sees your very best self—and make dinner plans. Not only will this make you feel better, it will also make you much more likely to date again.
About the Author: You can get a free bonus chapter of her book at saraeckel. You can also find her on Twitter at saraeckel or on Facebook.
If you can, Disappointed with online dating, relax. More importantly, be prepared by never doubting your worth. Make arrangements to speak on the phone a few times; it will be one less thing to feel nervous about on your date. Would it work in Australia? When that happens, you have to find a way to grieve without Disappointed with online dating or punishing yourself. This happened to me a lot when I was online dating. There are hundreds of potential partners available at the swipe of your finger. I was also taught needlepoint. See for yourself by checking out the samples of my work.
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