A person in a coffee shop window, daydreaming and pondering. Popular movies, series, literature, and music all represent the processes that come with starting to date a new partner — navigating the shyness, the confusion, the excitement, the infatuation, and all the other feelings that come with entering new heteronormative relationships.
I came to terms with my polyamory when I was dating someone I loved deeply. I met another wonderful person, realized I liked them too, and I found myself being deeply attracted to two people at once.
This is because I had never seen relationships like mine represented in the media. On top of being polyamorous, I am also queer — and relationships between queer people are also really underrepresented in the media. You see, I had no blueprint for entering a relationship when you already had a partner. I feared that a break-up with one person would lead to a break-up with the other. I worried about whether my partners would get along, or whether one of them would feel neglected.
Also, and most painfully, I felt unworthy of being loved by one person, let alone two. It was a confusing time.
Here are some useful questions to ask yourself before committing to another partner. Often, being polyamorous is described as having unlimited love to give to others. For many polyamorous people, love feels like a non-finite resource. But love is not all that we give in relationships.
We also give our time, energy, resources, and emotional space to the people we commit to. So, before committing to another partner, ask yourself if you can give them the time, energy, and support that they deserve. Do you have any strenuous work commitments or family responsibilities? Are you busy with school, college, or other studies? Are you planning on moving? Are you taking care of a family member? Are you in an emotional and mental space where you can take on another partner?
Remember to prioritize self-care. You might have enough energy and time for another person, but remember that you need to have energy and time for yourself, too!
Think not only about your situation now, but what your situation will be a few months along the line. In my experience, taking on a new relationship can enhance your current relationships.
But they can also highlight pre-existing problems. We know that working on relationships can take up a great deal of time and energy. This can be even more so when you have multiple partners, especially since difficulties and insecurities in one relationship could spill over into another. Of course, no relationship is perfect. What I am saying is that your relationship needs to be healthy and manageable.
Do you think your current relationships are healthy or toxic? Are you making an effort to work on your current relationship s? Is the effort reciprocated by your partner s? If your relationship is very difficult, consider whether you might be taking on a new relationship to mask issues with your current partner. Are you taking on a new relationship because your current partner neglects you?
Are you feeling insecure in the relationship? Does your current relationship make you feel unfulfilled? Polyamory is beautiful because it makes us realize that no single partner can fulfill all our needs. Bringing more people into a toxic situation can cause a great amount of distress for everyone involved. Since my partner is a very perceptive, thoughtful person, I trust their judgement. Chances are that your new partner will spend a lot of time with your family.
It could be indicative of deeper underlying issues with your family, current partner, or potential new partner. Consider the people in their life. Are they in committed relationships? Do they have children?
What are their friends like? Will you get along? If not, how will it affect your relationship? This is a question that applies to all relationships. In order for relationships to be healthy, happy, and fulfilling, they should be mutually beneficial. Ask yourself: What can you bring to the table, and what can your potential partner bring to the table? Intellectual stimulation? There are many ways that people can add value to a relationship.
Ask yourself whether all involved parties are able to give and receive value. Communication issues? Are these issues fixable? If so, how could they be addressed? I know this will be an issue when I enter relationships, so I try to be upfront about it. I try to let my partners know when they need to let me cool down or feed me. As a result, I need a lot of understanding, guidance, and support from my partners and close friends. What Are My Expectations?
What sort of structure will your relationship have? Is there an expectation that your new partner will be sexually or romantically involved with your other partners? Will you be sexually or romantically involved with their partners?
What things do you expect to do in your relationship? Will you spend time with their family and vice versa? Is it a long-distance relationship? If so, how often will you communicate with one another, and how? Take your time to figure it out! What Are Their Expectations? From there, you can figure out whether you can fulfill those desires, and whether they can fulfill your desires.
This is useful for when it comes to setting boundaries in your relationship. In my experience, plenty of polyamorous people — particularly those who are new to polyamory!
And I get it! Relationships can be so fulfilling, and loving people can be such a beautiful and rewarding experience. The idea of loving dozens of people at once is appealing to many people, myself included. But we need to be realistic about our attraction to others. Romanticizing the idea of someone instead of appreciating them for who they are is also incredibly objectifying. Consider why you want to date that person specifically. What are they adding to your life? What makes them special?
Follow her on Twitter sianfergs. Read her articles here. Found this article helpful? Filed Under: Articles , Posts Tagged With: Love What's Hot Right Now.
But we need to be realistic about our attraction to others. So with that in mind, What is polyamorous dating, here are three quotes from polyamorous individuals, speaking about the greatest lessons polyamory has taught them: Are you in an emotional and mental space where you can take on another partner? I came to terms with my polyamory when I was dating someone I loved deeply. What is polyamorous dating can see how easily many of these problems could resolve themselves. Featured Articles by users Are some people wired for polyamory? Take your time to figure it out! Are you feeling insecure in the relationship? Polyamorous Dating:
No comments:
Post a Comment