For most of my 20s and even my early 30s I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then. It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie. At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.
For some reason, I always thought my romantic relationships were less if I did not experience this kind of fairy-tale relationship. Maybe this is why I kept meeting frogs. At times, I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life. I thought, Now, I will be safe forever.
In truth, I did marry a prince—but a prince who is also human, who has faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he is. At some point I grew up and learned to let go of the crazy metaphor of romantic love in order to find true happiness.
Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. We all saw Romeo and Juliet and Titanic. Why stories like these make our hearts sing is that the love is unrequited. Unavailability fuels the romantic expression. This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover.
Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view. Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do. The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.
So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy? We begin with the understanding of what pure love is, and then redefine and update the romantic fairytale into a healthier type of love. Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship: Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within. See your partner for who he or she really is. The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them.
Be willing to learn from each other. The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself. Get comfortable being alone.
By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole. Look closely at why a fight may begin. Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. Own who you are. True love only exists by loving yourself first. Embrace ordinariness. After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it.
The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary. Expand your heart. One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy.
This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.
Focus on giving love. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply. Let go of expectations. You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it.
Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like. These are only a few ways to explore real intimacy. How do you create a loving connection in your relationship?
Be willing to Building intimacy in early dating from each other. How to Celebrate Your Differencestells Bustle. So without further ado, I bring you my five stages of intimacy in a relationship. First, find a comfortable and safe environment. If sharing your vulnerability results in someone leaving, then there wasn't that much of a relationship to begin with, and you just saved yourself from time wasted. Focus on being real, not being right Whenever we speak our truths, Building intimacy in early dating, it is more important we are expressing ourselves truthfully, rather than focusing on being right. Garcia, J. So ask what your partner prefers — beforehand, when all is calm.
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